Noah and I kept up the conversation for a few hours. We talked about everything, fully exploring each other’s brains. I had no idea he was infatuated with singers Elliott Smith and Nick Drake, as I was. We laughed over our eminent hatred for kids who were on Nickelodeon’s old game show, Legends of the Hidden Temple, who sucked at putting together the Shrine of the Silver Monkey, (legs, body, head, it’s three pieces to put together! How dumb were those kids if they couldn’t comprehend the logical format of a monkey’s body?) We assiduously recanted for hours about other nostalgic ‘90s kids TV shows, foods that rule (birthday cake ice cream), foods that suck (Swiss cheese, although he opposed), and the music of Bob Dylan. I felt a bond with him, someone I needed, even friend-wise. He offered his body for soft and comfortable hugs that night. I reveled in it. I had begun to forget about Jake.
Soon, it was the night before Jake's road trip. I was sitting cross-legged on his sidewalk. The muggy late June air was punishing my brow with mini lakes of sweat. There was about 10 of us all together, Jake had decided to have an impromptu going away party before he and his comrades left for D.C. While Jake, Arlo, and Nate were snuggling their blankets into the bus and some marijuana into Jake’s secret compartments in the floor, I sat next to Noah. Our other friends were playing Frisbee in the street, but he and I were happily watching as spectators. I had been catching his glimpse all night, and feeling more and more inclined to sit closer to him. He probably thought I was a creep. I didn’t really understand what I was doing, but I didn’t really feel any sadness that my boyfriend would be leaving me for 3 weeks. I didn’t mind that he’d be couch surfing on stranger’s sofas, possibly meeting new, pretty girls along the way. Noah consumed me; I wanted to know him more. I felt guilty in a way, thinking these things. But I also felt justified; I knew Jake wasn’t going to care about me when he left. But it was like I was mentally cheating.
Noah assured me that I would be seeing a lot of him while Jake was away, he wanted to be my friend more, as well. I felt elated and secretly couldn’t wait for Jake to get his ass on the move. I thought I would feel some gloom upon his departure, but I was more excited about what the next few Noah-filled weeks had in store.
Jake left that following morning. I didn’t feel anything.
The next weeks, I knew I was falling for Noah. There was no question about it. I felt horrible; I was keen on having a boyfriend, but I was falling for someone else. We saw each other most of everyday in the evening. I waited until Noah got off of work at 5 in the afternoon to call him. I was always so inexplicably nervous calling him. It was the quintessential sign of a crush... I always felt so guilty. My heartbeat exploded out of my chest, as I would dial his cell phone.
Each day was remembered by the view of the dusty sun hitting the western sky, as I would drive to his house, my nervousness increasing each minute. I would pick him up and feel lighter and happier, more than I ever did during the past year I was with Jake. Each night was ours. Simple things kept the evenings alive, Mario Parties, Pokemon Stadium battles, and effortless talks about the current state of love. We were consumed with one another; he was becoming my greatest friend. I barely heard from my boyfriend during his trip. He would call me 2 times a week, but even then his calls seemed forced and rushed. It surprised me that I didn’t mind too much. I had written Noah about 5 separate letters, each with the intention of telling him my feelings.
I never got the chance.
No comments:
Post a Comment